Birth Story: Daxton Henry Holden 04/30/2014

warning: longest post ever written and very personal 
for my own journal-ing purposes 

It is quite difficult having a new baby around, that has completely 
stolen my heart, to keep this blog up and going 
We are obviously obsessed with him
And I swore I was going to be one of those awesome
mom's that gets the beautiful birth story written
down before the kid is almost 6 months old. .
That time is slowly approaching us. 

So it's a long post 
but I want all the details for my records.
This was obviously the best experience of our lives so far. 

So I'll start from the begining or end? However you want 
to look at it I guess.. 
I had been very pregnant..like 41 weeks pregnant.
We had thought that possibly on Monday April 28th that
we may have this little boy. 
Adam had started to come with me to my last several 
appointments because my blood pressure was 
getting high and my appointments were sometimes
a little crazy. 
So on Monday Adam and I went together to my morning appointment.
I had my blood pressure checked and my cervix..
Again not really dilated but to a 1-stretch to a 2 maybe. 
Since my blood pressure was high again around 140
Dr. Winward really wanted to try and have me admitted.
She had a feeling that I was going to have hard labor or at
least a C section so she really tried getting us in earlier.
So she told us we were able to go down to the hospital 
and then I could get evaluated and see if
they would admit us and we could be on
 our way to have this baby! 
However, as I laid in the hospital bed and got evaluated
everything looked seemingly normal and the nurse told us
they were short staffed anyway and I would just need to wait
to be induced Wednesday or go into labor on my own.
She was really nice and inform me of how it all worked to get induced
and told me to maybe go get a pedicure and get pampered. 
Needless to say, Adam and I and my mom were disappointed.
We were hoping they'd admit me and get me started! 
It felt sort of like deja vu since we had done this almost
exact same thing a few weeks ago in the beginning of April.
I remember walking out of the hospital with the two of them
and standing on the sidewalk just being disappointed
and really just wanting to get started.
I then had to wait two more days .. I pretty much knew I would not
have him on my own. 

So the rest of that day Adam and I kind of spent it together doing last minute
preparations. We went to Durangos for lunch and then to Cold Stone for
dessert. Then I headed into work for a few hours while Adam did
things around the house. 

The next day was Tuesday the 29th and we were excited and nervous
knowing that the next day, April 30th, was for sure my induction date! 
 It was such a weird day! 
I woke up realizing today is my last day child-less 
and the last time it would just be the two of us..
Soon this life would all be a very distant memory. 
That morning I went into work for a few hours.
Luckily my boss had been more than understanding throughout
my pregnancy and had let me basically set my own hours
since I couldn't sit for very long periods of time and I had to keep
myself on bed rest for the most part. 
So Tuesday was busy at work.. I knew I would not be back for 
several weeks so I was getting all my last minute preparations done. 
I definitely took advantage and was happy that I was able to 
know the day I would more than likely have my baby because then
I was able to get done exactly what I wanted to. 

Once I left work around noon I decided to treat myself to Cafe Rio for lunch.
Since I was getting induced I would not be allowed any kind of food during the process
until after delivery because of the medicine they put you on. 
I could have liquids and ice chips. .so in my desperate mind
 I thought I better enjoy my last meals! 
So Cafe Rio it was! 
I then went to Ulta got a few things I would need these next weeks and
went home for the afternoon. 
I had been contemplating getting a pedicure because a: I was told
by the nurse leaving yesterday to treat myself to one because hey it could put
me into spontaneous labor and b: its my last day to really pamper myself. 
So my mom had decided to treat me to own even though she couldn't come.
I went to a pedicure around 3 at About Face which it felt amazing. 
My poor feet and ankles were so swollen all the time that the massage
and nice hot water felt awesome. 

Afterwards my mother in law got into town so she could be here for the delivery.
I had made a list of items I really wanted done that night before I went 
to the hospital so that we wouldn't have to worry about it while we were there.
Adam and her got to work quickly and made the house spotless! 
I finished up my papers for school and got all my assignments turned in
before the end of the semester. 
I was so happy to be done with school and have that behind me.
Dax sure picked a great time to come into this world! 
That night we ran to the Dollar Store to get some treats for Adam to have
at the hospital and then I got to pick dinner. 
I decided on Durangos. . hey I wanted my mexican fix before I would be in the 
hospital for a few days. 
That night Adam and I were getting really anxious nervous and excited.
Lots of emotions that are hard to explain actually.
We weren't fighting with each other but we were a little anxious and stressed
and had a hard time communicating our feelings. 
I think it was too much anticipation. 
That night Adam gave me a blessing and my parents came over.
It was a good blessing and helped me feel more at ease.
Afterwards we got the house all finished and I took 
a shower, straitened my hair somewhat and we went to bed.
I remember going to be around 11:30 thinking they could be calling me any
minute? They said they would call anywhere from midnight Tuesday
to midnight Wednesday! 
I was so nervous for that phone call..
So the waiting game began..

We were now going to wait for the phone call that would
ultimately change our lives forever.. 

That night I woke up a few dozen times checking my phone
making sure I wasn't missing any phone calls
and trying to still get a decent amount of sleep.
It was such a weird night. 
I remember my dang husband called me around midnight 
to 'make sure I could hear my phone' but he didn't' tell me he was 
calling so just as I had dozed off my phone rings
my heart races and then I see Adam Holden and I get pissed. 
Well okay my phone is working. 

By the time we woke up around 8:00 a.m.
I still did not have a phone call.
I really did not know what to do with myself that morning
because I just knew I would be getting a phone call any time
so I did not want to waste time actually doing something.
I had decided to get in the shower and get
all cleaned up again and look decent.
I made sure my bags were packed exactly how I wanted them.
Truthfully this became a great idea for me to get induced
because I was able to know exactly when I would go
into 'labor' therefore allowing me to plan out everything..
which we all know I love. 
Adam kind of laid around for a bit but then got 
his outfit planned out.. he even planned out a few
hospital outfits which I loved. 
He wanted to look good for his new son.
Around 9:00 a.m. I decided to give the hospital a quick phone call
just to make sure they had my number right.
What if for some reason they didn't have the right number
and they were calling and calling.
Very ironically.. they DID have the wrong number for me 
it was off by one digit. 
Thankfully I corrected that and they said well we are still
really busy, we had 3 births last night so I am not sure when
we will call you. .
So great..
continuing to wait... 

By 10:00 a.m. now I decided to have a bowl of cereal and eat a semi-good breakfast
Adam was in the bathroom and getting ready to shower..
Then as I am eating and sitting on my living room chair 
my phone rings 
it's a weird number I don't' recognize
I answer
they say is this amanda holden 
yes it is..
well we are ready for you to come in and get induced.
okay awesome, thank you so much.
You have 30 minutes to get here, Thanks. 

Full freak-out-panic-excited-crazy mode kicks in. 

My mother in law was sitting on the couch
and so I obviously hurried and told her that was the hospital..
then I just jumped up and ran into our bedroom and Adam
was literally on the toliet so I knocked on the door
and just blurted out 'umm it's time' they just called me! 
I'm like we only have 30 minutes in my panicked voice! 
So Adam hurries and gets in the shower and we just
move fast! We make sure we have all our bags
and Adam is putting everything in the car.
Luckily, my mother in law was going to stay behind for a little 
while and let us get settled into our hospital room 
so she stayed at our house with our dogs.
It was nerve wracking realizing the next time I see this house
we are going to have a baby with us and 
life is just never going to be the same again.
It was weird. 

The drive over to the hospital was even weirder. .
Adam and I were both a little quiet..
I  probably blabbed as I do when I'm nervous
so I'm sure I was just talking about anything..
It was cool to drive past the hospital and see where
our little boy was going to be born soon. 
Here's the LAST picture of me pregnant with Dax. 

The check in process was relatively easy.
We walked in and I basically just said
I'm here to get induced'.. 

They got us back into  our room and gave me the instructions of what 
to do , here's the hospital gown etc.
I remember starting to change and get my hospital gown on and
getting very teary eyed.. 
Adam just looked at me and said it was going to be okay
and he was going to be right by my side. 
I felt very nervous for everything ahead, thank goodness
I had him by my side. 
I remember the whole process was relatively quick.
I got in the hospital bed and let my  mom know I was here and checked in.
Then our sweet nurse Bonnie came in and introduced herself.
She got me all hooked up on everything.
The blood pressure cuff, my contracting counter all that fun stuff..
including my IV for my antibiotic and pitocin
which I needed to start labor since I wasn't going on my own.
After Adam and I had been there for maybe an hour which was 
now almost 11:30 my mom had gotten there
and soon after Adam's mom was there as well. 
The 'delivery' room which is where we were put 
was very spacious. It had a nice big bathroom and then had a nice couch and chairs
next to the bed and a nice space to sit by the window. 
It also had a sink and mirror and everything on the other side of the bed.
It was seriously so big. 
I thought that being in labor I would definitely need things to occupy
my time but surprisingly we had a lot going on and 
just sat and visited with our mom's basically the whole time.
The day before I had gotten a pedicure and all night
my calves and tops of my feet were very red and itchy.
It was really weird and that same feeling carried into the next day.
So that was kind of irritating me as I laid in the bed waiting.

It was really interesting because the contractions started to intensify
as the pitocin started working. 
My nice nurse came in at some point to check my cervix.
I did not have an epidural at this point yet 
but I had my cervix checked numerous times with Dr. Winward
so I wasn't too worried..
Well cute nurse Bonnie about killed me.. I thought that has to be like 
giving birth.. I think her whole fist was up there to check my progress.
I had to sit kind of awkwardly up and then hold on to Adam's hand.
Adam kind of laughed afterwards saying I almost broke his hand
because I squeezed the hand with his wedding ring on so hard..oopps.
She was there forever..
Anyway.. after that she was pleasant. 
After being on the pitocin for a bit Dr. Winward dropped in to say hello
and break my water. She was so cute just in workout clothes very casual.
So she broke my water. 
It was the weirdest thing I've ever experienced..
It didn't really hurt to break my water it was just such a funny feeling afterwards
All the sudden water just starts trickling down my legs and flowing out
And it wasn't even a huge gush like I had envisioned. 
It was so warm too it just felt cool and weird..
Obviously though they had to change my sheets and towels 
I also got up to go to the bathroom one last time
before I couldn't anymore and it was crazy standing up
and not being able to control that pee feeling. 

I posted us at the hospital just waiting to have a baby..
At this point I felt relatively fine still. 
I was having little contractions I think but they weren't a lot
or close together or anything. 
Some of the contractions I couldn't feel. 
We just sat and talked mostly about whatever.
I was able to kind of hang out this way for about 3 hours..
I sat up because that felt most comfortable with a few
back contractions that I was having.
After a few minutes those back contractions all the sudden 
were very intense. . The pitocin was working.
I was starting to have active labor. 


Tay just waiting :) 

I could really start to feel those back contractions and 
I did not like that.
They were painful.. my pain tolerance isn't high anyway
my goal on the white board was like a 3.. pathetic I know but I didn't want to suffer
when we have a magical thing known as an epidural. 

I remember going back and forth with my mom and Adam 
like do I get the epidural now or do I wait it out longer
I was nervous it would wear off and I did not want to feel anything. 
After a few moments I had just decided to get the dang thing
The nice anesthesiologist came in and administered the epidural. My mom could not watch she hates needles! 
Since I had to sit on the side of the bed Adam stood right in front of me
and I just squeezed the heck out of his hand. 
It surprisingly did not hurt that bad. 
I could feel it going in and I was very very nervous to feel the pain of the 
needle going into my freakin spine but I was pleasantly
surprised it didn't kill me. 

Afterwards they had me hooked up to everything so it could 
work its magic and they show me where the button is to push for more.
That would come in handy. 
Once he left it was around 3:00 in the afternoon. 
I remember my mom putting Ellen on tv and we were going to all sit
and relax now and just wait it out. 
I remember going over a little to lay on my side and not 
directly on my back. 
The nurse strategically placed a pillow on that half of my body. 
Within a few moments I only remember feeling very relaxed
I couldn't feel a lot of contractions anymore and 
then all the sudden I got really sleepy..
The rest of it is blurry.. 

I woke up to an oxygen mask on my face and a million nurses
including the on call Doctor and they were swiftly shifting me from side to side.
I was being moved very quickly. 

Apparently I had passed out

Dax's heart beat had also dropped dramatically
as did my blood pressure. 
I remember Dr Winward coming in and getting involved 
and she seemed really worried.
She said this girls blood pressure has always been up throughout 
the pregnancy it shouldn't be so low. 
I just remember them deciding to then place a heart
beat monitor inside my cervix directly on Daxton's head.
This would monitor him directly because they couldn't find 
a good heart beat for him.
 it was really really scary for us that there was no heart beat
for a few seconds so I was glad they placed a monitor directly on him.
It was also scary that his heart rate dropped too. 

During the pass out ordeal, when I woke up I saw my mom 
 in the corner of the room crying she had called my dad in a panic
and told him he had to get to the hospital right away. 
Adam was right by my side helping the nurses to move me 
and he kept asking questions of what is going on.
he was very panicked. 
It was a really scary experience for everyone. 
I just woke up to the chaos and the seriousness of my passing out.
They kept moving my body around from side to side 
and I woke with an oxygen mask on my face.
Luckily after that was under control Dax and I were okay.

I had the uncontrollable shakes though! 
I literally could not stop shaking. 
I don't know what happened but I couldn't stop shaking. 
Because I was shaking so bad they couldn't even read my blood pressure
It was so weird to be so out of control of your own body.
My mom or Adam would have to press against my shoulders or arms and
that would help with the shaking. It was a little scary 
for me but mostly weird. 

After that episode my Dad came over and saw me
and then shortly after my siblings came over.
It was a long afternoon/evening but then a really short
one all at the same time. 
It seems to have gone by fast I guess with the family
around to entertain me and nurses coming in and out
to check me. 
I was doing a pretty good job dilating on my own. 
Every hour I was improving a centimeter so that was good to hear
But after a few hours I stopped progressing.
I think it was around 7 or 8:00 p.m. that I stopped progressing
and had been at a 6 for a little while now. 
My body was trying to work and they could tell the medicine
was working and I was contracting. 
I stayed dilated to a 6 for awhile... 
so we were just waiting...
Surprisingly Adam and I never got real bored
or wanted to bust out netflix or anything.
It was weird because we had so much family and visitors there
that we just really did not have time to sit around super bored.
Both of my siblings were around to visit and my dad.
It was pretty fun just hanging out.. 
waiting on baby you know.

Such nice siblings to feed me my ice chips. 

So we hung out all evening just dilating slowly or stalling..
I kept having a weird feeling that I was going to have to 
have a C section but  I was not that worried. 
I think I felt this way because every damn doctor or nurse
that came in commented on how huge my belly looked! 
'Wow girl that is a huge belly you've got there'
yeah, so I kind of thought well it's probably going to be
painful and a horrible experience either way.

So after being dilated for awhile and having Daxton's
heart rate monitored, not by the normal machines but by
his very own device on the top of his head, they came in and 
said that they were going to see if my body was still working to 
dilate or if it wasn't. 
They had initially said that they would put some kind of monitor on
me to watch and see if my body was doing what its supposed to
with the pitocin and then maybe it was just the baby or his positioning. 
Dr. Winward did want to avoid a C section if possible so she wanted
to make sure they did everything. 
The night time nurse told me that they would monitor me for about 2 hours
and this would determine if I was going to have to have a C section.
By monitoring me they could tell if my body was contracting and baby
was progressing slowly, or if something else was wrong. 
So after we were told it was pretty late like 10:00-10:30 already I think.
My mom told my dad and siblings they could leave for a bit
since it was probably going to be at least 2 hours before anything
was decided. 
I remember my Dad and brother and sister in law left for ice cream
and my sister left to go to my house and let my dogs out for a minute.
We thought we had some time...

Well after a few minutes the nurse and doctors come in 
with this drink thing and a razor..
'umm okay, so what does this mean'? 
The nurse had told me that if i was going to get a C section that they
would bring in a drink to get me started..
so here it was..
They informed that Daxton was not moving at all and wouldn't move.
He could not fit down into my pelvis and the birth canal. 
he was too big. 
So there it was..
I am having a C section. 

My mom panicked a little bit and told the nurse that my family 
had just left so could she hurry and call them to get them back here
and the nurse said oh yeah it'll take a little bit to prep everything. 
I remember drinking the sugary gross drink 
and then they made sure I didn't need any additional shaving
and then I was ready. 
Most of the rest of this story is quite a blur..
as I don't remember all the details because I was highly sedated with drugs..obviously

My family got back in time which was good.
I wanted them to be there. 

We got wheeled off into the surgery room.
It wasn't very far from our delivery room.
We said our goodbyes and the nurses rolled me away
Adam was still getting dressed into his little 'scrub' outfit.
It was funny because the one they gave him did not fit
well and then he ended up ripping it.. ha
so he had to get changed..
They also don't let the husbands back there until I am 
all prepped and ready to go. 

The surgery room is cold and very bright.
It wasn't anything like the delivery room.
I hadn't really had a lot of major surgeries before
so I was very nervous but I think the excitement
that you are soon going to meet the most precious
being in the world, makes up for the nerves. 
I'm usually really nervous and I just didn't feel that bad. 
Since I had an epidural I could not do anything to help
move my body. They had to transfer me from the delivery
stretcher to the surgery one.
I was like a fish out of water.. sort of floppy,at least that is how I felt, ha.
I sat on the operating table and they laid my arms out in a 'T' shape.
I was shaking uncontrollably again. . I don't think it was from just one thing.
I think a mix of the epidural and my extreme nerves made me shake..
which made it hard to sit still in their T shape.
I remember being alone and in that position
and just waiting and waiting for Adam to get there.
I did not feel good without him.
Once he got prepped and was with me it was better. 
The anesthesiologist had pumped me with the right stuff
and had a little medical tool to see if I was numb right. 
He would tap and poke in certain places down on my belly
to see if I was ready to go.
Luckily, I couldn't feel a dang thing.
My doctor, Dr. Winward, was in there and prepping and
then another doctor was to. She was funny and had a fun southern-like
accent. She was the one that kept commenting on how huge my belly was.
The whole C section part was so fast. 
They told me when they started but
you can't see anything because of the sheet (thank goodness)
There wasn't any weird noises or anything..
All I felt was a lot of tugging and pulling..
very weird feeling when you can't actually feel it. 
It was just a lot of tug here and a little rough feeling. 
Adam and I just stared at each other and Adam kept saying words of
encouragement, lucky to have him right by my side.

 Doctor Winward said holy cow.. as she was pulling to get Dax out
and she said she was having a hard time getting him out of me
She said well he's got some huge shoulders as she lifted him up and out
And as he came out all Adam and I could hear from the Doctors and nurses
was 'Whoa, Wow, Whoa.. holy cow.." 
(our family down the hall in the delivery room and in the hall could
hear the doctors saying this and my mom got nervous/excited
to see what the heck was going on)
As the doctors commented on his size and he was (I'm assuming)
lifted out of my belly they called out the time
which was 11:18 p.m...
For the crazy  seconds in that moment Adam and I were in thought..
huh, how could that be his weight? .. what he's 11 pounds?? 
(No no .. that is the time right now.. haha.. thank you!)

But instantly we heard the best sound ever....
his cry
He cried right away there was no long pause or even a small
pause for that matter
He just let out a huge cry and in my mind said 'hello'
I started to cry and just sob my little eyes out for a minute
looking at Adam as he cried too 
that that little cry over this curtain is our little boy. 

He had made it! 
I will never forget that great sound of his cry
and for someone having a C section that is the only
way you know when your baby has officially been 'born'.
It was just simply the greatest moment in my life. 

Daxton Henry Holden
9 lbs 10 oz
21 inches

Obviously I had to stay put and get stitched up 
Adam was able to take our camera and go be with our baby.
He got to watch them weigh him and put on his diaper
and bundle him up.. all that fun stuff.
I am glad his daddy could be there for him since I could not. 
The nurses kept saying what a big baby boy 
and how cute he was. 

Afterwards Adam got to hold him and bring him to me
so I could meet him.
It was wonderful.
I just cried as Adam held him up to my face
and I so badly wanted to hold him but couldn't.
I just kissed his little face.

He looked perfect to me though.
Adam got to hold him while I got wheeled back into the delivery room.
Before I got wheeled back though
I remember while getting stitched that my heart hurt so bad
I mean a very intense horrible pain.
Luckily the anesthesiologist stays there the whole time to watch over you
and he was able to give me more medicine to help with that.
He said that its pretty common when your stomach
has been cut open and he was really nice about it. 
I felt okay afterwards but I swear that is what made
 me even more delirious. 
Dr. Winward said my incision looked great and I would heal just fine.

Adam and I got to go back to the delivery room where we 
were greeted with our family. 
It was so important for me to have them all there.
Unfortunately because it was so late at night (almost midnight)
and they had to do all the preparations things for little baby D
the family didn't stick around long. 
In fact no one even held him first.
They put him on my chest for a little bit because I really wanted to do 
skin to skin with him first 
Soon after that they had to take him to get some tests done.
He had to get tested for low blood sugar
which he had a little bit of at first
We also had to eat.. so the family left.
I knew we would see at least our moms and my dad pretty soon
though because they wouldn't stay gone for long! 

This picture may be too revealing for me.. but it captures the emotion 
I was feeling while holding my new baby boy. 
I couldn't help but cry and fall completely in love

Best. Day. Of. Our. Lives.